when things start to get better here, me adapting, i got thrown into deep shit. its not fair. when you wanted me to come here. i don't want to say it but how can i not think that you cheated on me? how can i not think that i suck so bad that you picked someone else over me? someone who can't give you what i can give. i guarantee that. but apparently, you don't.

you talked about the problems, about the issues. those never came in the way before. but now you make them reappear again. YOU made them reappear again. they didn't just happen to appear. YOU did that. I had no problems before this. you just drove me crazy cos' i was thinking of you 24/7 and i still am, thinking about how after i'm done with this shit, i'll be home with you, leading our new special lives together. but YOU threw it all away. 

i don't know where i go from here. how can i go home? how can i go back to that place which brought us together? how am i to talk to the friends i gained from there? what do i say? what do i do now?

if you cared about me, why are you doing this to me? why are you fucking torturing me? you say i'm hurting you... then what about me?!

i don't even know whether i should be fucking angry or fucking sad or whatever the fuck i should be feeling. you hate me now don't you? i don't hate you. i just fucking hate myself. 

i don't mean to say all this to make you feel bad. i'm sorry. i don't know what else i can do to remain sane.