Final Chance
Posted on: Friday, February 29, 2008
Posted at: 3:22 AM
friday tomorrow!
but things still feels the same. school is getting better i guess. my classes are all pretty good. just a lot of reading and a lot of time to do that. i've been studying. so that's good. but whether anything went in or not is another question. 

i've been drinking. i've been smoking. yes, that i'm not going to deny it. i know i know. i shouldn't be doing all that. 
so you know what, i'm going to declare to everyone now that i'm going to stop all that shit. i will. and i will prove it to you. i've done it before, i can do it again. i'm gonna be what i'm suppose to be. and i'm going to do what i should be doing. getting things done, studying and a friend. 
i'll be the same person i was.  cos my feelings hasn't changed. and i will be different maybe.... just better. 

trust me baby.
i will prove it to you.
i don't want to hurt you anymore. 
this shall be my final chance.

Lost
Posted on: Thursday, February 28, 2008
Posted at: 4:40 PM
i have no idea whats going through my head.
studying is good... but nothing goes in, what's the point?
lost the mood for anything and everything.
doing things i don't want to do and don't like to do.
but those make me feel better... at least for the moment.
friends are great. they provide company and a listening ear.
but always left to deal with things myself, that sucks.
well, i guess we gotta depend on ourselves sometimes.

don't follow in my shoes people. appreciate what you got. not that i didn't and i don't. just when you lose them, you may never get it back again.

lost in the wilderness.
kept in the depths.
everything's lost and dissolves
like smoke rings in the dark.

I Still
Posted on:
Posted at: 12:23 AM
i changed my blogskin. just like how we always said we would on this day. 

i still remember you.
i still love you.
i still missing you.
i still remember everything we talked about.
i still remember everything you did.
i still remember everything you said.
i still remember your smile.
i still remember your taste.
i still remember everything about you.

i want to taste you again.
i want to be with you.

Fuck
Posted on: Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Posted at: 1:28 AM
alcohol rocks man. just so you know, i downed a beer before this, so i'm a little groggy now. i've still got class in the morning but i don't think i fucking care. i don't even fucking care if anyone will be unhappy reading this. but i gotta let things out man. in the open. not inside me and only me. 

when things start to get better here, me adapting, i got thrown into deep shit. its not fair. when you wanted me to come here. i don't want to say it but how can i not think that you cheated on me? how can i not think that i suck so bad that you picked someone else over me? someone who can't give you what i can give. i guarantee that. but apparently, you don't.
you talked about the problems, about the issues. those never came in the way before. but now you make them reappear again. YOU made them reappear again. they didn't just happen to appear. YOU did that. I had no problems before this. you just drove me crazy cos' i was thinking of you 24/7 and i still am, thinking about how after i'm done with this shit, i'll be home with you, leading our new special lives together. but YOU threw it all away. 
i don't know where i go from here. how can i go home? how can i go back to that place which brought us together? how am i to talk to the friends i gained from there? what do i say? what do i do now?
if you cared about me, why are you doing this to me? why are you fucking torturing me? you say i'm hurting you... then what about me?!
i don't even know whether i should be fucking angry or fucking sad or whatever the fuck i should be feeling. you hate me now don't you? i don't hate you. i just fucking hate myself. 

i don't mean to say all this to make you feel bad. i'm sorry. i don't know what else i can do to remain sane. 

i still want to work things out.
chances not given.
i've nothing left.
but myself to kill.